Той

Two tois, not one

The Kazakh word “toi” means any celebration, and the wedding toi is traditionally divided into two: the kyz uzatu toi — the feast on the marriage of a daughter, at the bride’s home, and the uilenu toi (kelin tusiru toi) — the feast on a son’s marriage, at the groom’s home. The norm is first the kyz uzatu, then the uilenu toi. In modern practice these are two separate celebrations held on different days or on the same evening in two restaurants. This guide is about the groom’s main celebration.

Who leads the evening

The host of the toi is the toi iesi; the evening is led by an asaba — the Kazakh master of ceremonies — or a tamada: this word came from Georgian and lives alongside “asaba” in the Kazakh toi. The asaba meets the parents in advance and agrees on the script: the order of speeches, breaks, tabak tartu, toibastar. The bata is given by the aksakals. Helpers are the zhenge; the groom’s friends are the kuyeu zholdas; the kuda and kudagi are the matchmakers, the most honoured of whom is the bas kuda.

The tor and seating

The tor is the place of honour opposite the entrance: in a yurt opposite the door, in a hall at the main table. Here the most respected guests, the elders and, at the bride’s toi, the bride herself are seated — it is no accident that they say: “Kyzdy torge otyrgyz, torendei kut” (“Seat your daughter in the tor, treat her like a noble”). The farther from the tor, the lower the standing by seniority; near the door sit the young and the helpers. The seating itself thus “reads” as a map of respect, and a mistake in it is the most frequent cause of offence at a toi.

Tabak tartu — meat by rank

The most vivid part of a Kazakh toi is serving meat “by rank”. The dish is called tabak, and each kind of guest has its own: bas tabak — the most honourable, with the head; syi tabak, orta tabak, ayak tabak; kuda tabak for the matchmakers; zhenge tabak, kuyeu tabak, kelin tabak, and at a wedding even the betashar tabak — for the one who opened the bride’s face. Each part is a wish: the head — to be a leader, the liver — fidelity, the ribs and spine — firm friendship, the kidneys — love of children.

The one who receives the head carves it himself: the ear, as described, he gives to the youngest child in the house so that the child will listen to elders, the eye and cheek to respected people, with the wish “look on your people and kin with a kind eye”. The kuyryk-bauyr traditionally go to the matchmakers, the brisket to the son-in-law. There is no general reference of “who gets which part” — the distribution depended on the clan — and the main rule remains the same: respect for the elder and the honoured guest.

Toast, tilek and bata

The wishes — “tilek aitu” — sound by seniority: first the elders and honoured guests, then the parents (the father, then the mother), older brothers and sisters, the nagashy, friends and neighbours. The bata is given by an aksakal; at the end everyone says “Amin!” and draws their palms over their faces. That is how a “word with a blessing” differs from an ordinary toast: “Ataly soz — bataly soz”. Experts advise beginning dancing and music after the bata, not before.

Toibastar

Toibastar is not a person but a song genre performed at weddings. It praises the host, wishes the young couple well and delivers a bata and advice. It was performed by akyns and by the young; the time of performance differs in descriptions — at the start of the toi (hence “toi bastar” — “to begin the toi”) or nearer the end. Today “toibastar” also means something else: the souvenirs given to guests at the end of the evening — newlyweds’ calendars, magnets, scarves, miniature yurts and so on. Earlier these were baursaks, sweets, a scarf and small keepsakes.

Shashu: who scatters and what

Shashu is scattering sweets and coins over guests or the newlyweds. The composition changes: earlier “white” food was thrown — kurt, irimshik (curd cheese), dried fruit, baursaks; later sweets and silver were added. Traditionally shashu is thrown by women — respected older women, mothers, daughters-in-law: by popular belief, when a man throws it his “spirit” wanes, while a woman’s hand brings the continuation of joy. What is scattered is not left on the floor but gathered — “so that the joy passes to us too”. Sweets and coins selected in advance are thrown, not just anything.

How the toi changed

Earlier a whole village gathered at the table — and the hosts prepared for weeks. From the 1960s marriages were increasingly made by the young people’s wish, in towns weddings moved to restaurants, and the number of guests came to be counted in hundreds — from a hundred to three hundred. Many family rites moved into the programme of the evening, sometimes in a playful, “theatricalised” form. At the same time recognisable supports remain: the asaba, the bata, tabak tartu, shashu and respect for elders.

Interesting facts

Glossary

Той

A celebration in general; the wedding toi is divided into the kyz uzatu toi and the uilenu toi.

Асаба

The Kazakh master of ceremonies; agrees the script with the family in advance.

Тамада

The master of ceremonies at a feast; a word of Georgian origin.

Тойбастар

A ritual toi song; in everyday use — souvenirs for guests.

Төр

The place of honour opposite the entrance.

Табақ тарту

Serving meat to guests by rank and kinship.

Бас табақ

The most honourable dish: the head; the recipient shares it with others.

Сыбаға

The share due to a person; an honoured part of the meat.

Мүшелеу

Carving and distributing the parts of a carcass.

Тілек айту

Table wishes in order of seniority.

Құттықтау

A congratulation; a later secular genre compared with the bata.