Құда түсу

What this rite is about

Kuda tusu means “the matchmakers come down (into the house)”: an official visit by the groom’s delegation to the bride’s parents to formally agree on a union. Ethnographers call it the most responsible and prestigious part of the wedding rites. It is sometimes mistaken for the whole wedding — in fact it is only one stage, but it is with it that “kudalyk” begins: the new status of the two families.

Who the kuda are

Kuda are in-laws: the parents, senior men and relatives of both sides call each other this. The older women are kudagi. It is broader than the Russian “svat”: not the person who arranged the marriage but the lifelong status of an allied family. Hence the proverb: “Kuyeu zhuz zhyldyk, kuda myn zhyldyk” — a son-in-law is for a hundred years, a kuda for a thousand. Relations between kuda were built on mutual respect, hospitality and help in every sorrow and joy.

The groom’s delegation

The delegation is led by the bas kuda — the “chief matchmaker”: an eloquent, respected expert in customs who is trusted to conduct the negotiations. In one classification the groom’s father is called “bauyzdau kuda” (“the one in whose name the ram is slaughtered”), and the other matchmakers, by closeness, are “omyrtka” (“spine”) and “kabyrga” (“ribs”) kuda — because they hold the union together as a skeleton holds a body. The exact set of titles differs between descriptions, so the safest one to remember is the first: bas kuda.

The delegation is usually small — a few people; on solemn occasions it could reach fifteen or twenty. On the bride’s side it is met by her father: in advance he informs influential relatives so that the elders of both branches of the family gather at the house.

How the visit goes

There is no single recorded script, but from the descriptions the general course is this:

• The date of the visit is announced in advance; the hosts slaughter a ram and gather the senior relatives.
• On arriving, the matchmakers tie up their horses — “at baylar”. In some descriptions the head of the delegation hangs a whip (kamshy) in the place of honour in the house: a sign that they have come in peace and with a request.
• The host asks a ritual question about the ram; an affirmative answer shows the seriousness of the intention.
• The meat is served. First comes kuyryk-bauyr (the ram’s fat tail and liver): it is divided between both sides and eaten together.
• Negotiations: the amount of the bride price, the dowry, the timing. The decision is sealed with the wish “Kudalyk berik bolsyn!” — “May the matchmaking be firm!”.
• A return feast, songs, jokes, sometimes wrestling and aitys. The matchmakers are seen off with kiit — clothing and gifts according to rank.
• Later the groom’s family may hold a return reception — “kuda shakyru” — in their own village.

Kuyryk-bauyr: a meal as a contract

The fat tail and liver are not just a delicacy. Both sides eat them together, and the meaning is clear without words: may you be as close as the liver (“bauyr” also means “kin”) and as sweet to each other as the rich fat tail. A shared meal sealed a word more firmly than a signature: having shared bread and meat, the sides became bound to each other.

Kalyn mal and zhasau: not “buying a bride”

Kalyn mal (the bride price) is often described as a purchase, but ethnographers show a more complex picture: it was part of a system of exchange between two clans. The livestock given by the groom’s family covered the costs of raising and equipping the girl and secured her position in the new home, while the bride’s family answered with the zhasau — a dowry that often cost no less, and sometimes more, than the bride price. The parties also agreed on what was paid in advance and what later: the bride price was paid in instalments.

Besides the main bride price there were special payments — for example “sut aky” (“payment for the milk”) to the girl’s mother in gratitude for having nursed her daughter. The size of the bride price varied greatly with the families’ means and with the era, and there was no general “tariff”, so the figures cited in popular articles cannot be considered reliable.

Kiit and musheleu

Kiit is the clothing and gifts with which the hosts present the matchmakers. According to ethnographers’ descriptions, gifts were graded by “rank”: “bak zhaksy” the most honourable (for example a she-camel with her calf, gold), “orta zhaksy” a valuable camel or horse, “ayak zhaksy” a horse, cow or sheep. The higher the guest’s standing, the greater the gift.

Musheleu is the distribution of parts of the meat according to the guest’s standing (mushe means “part of the body”). The head, hip, shoulder blade, ribs, fat tail and liver go to those entitled by rank and kinship. There is no general reference of “who gets which part”: it depended on the clan and the family, so the main rule is respect for the elder and the honoured guest. Do not confuse it with “mushel zhas” — that is quite different (the 12-year cycle of age).

What has changed

After the ban on the bride price in 1920, the custom of the visit itself survived: kudalyk is not a purchase, and so it endured. Today kuda tusu is usually brief — one or two meetings, at home or in a restaurant; instead of livestock there are kade and an agreement on who takes on which part of the wedding expenses. The form changes, but the main thing remains: two families officially begin to regard each other as relatives.

Interesting facts

Glossary

Құда түсу

The official visit of the groom’s delegation to the bride’s home to agree on the union.

Бас құда

The head of the matchmaking delegation, who leads the negotiations.

Бауыздау құда

In one classification, the groom’s father, “the one in whose name the ram is slaughtered”.

Ат байлар

The rite of tying up the horses on the matchmakers’ arrival.

Құйрық-бауыр

A ram’s fat tail and liver; shared and eaten together as a sign of the sides’ closeness.

Мүшелеу

The distribution of parts of the meat among guests by rank and kinship.

Қалың мал

Livestock the groom’s family gives the bride’s family; part of a system of exchange, not a purchase.

Жасау

The bride’s dowry: goods, carpets, clothing, bedding.

Сүт ақы

“Payment for the milk” — a gift to the bride’s mother in gratitude for raising her daughter.

Киіт

Clothing and gifts with which matchmakers and relatives are presented during the exchange of gifts.

Құда тартар

A playful rite in which village women “torment” the matchmakers, who then buy their way out with gifts.