Dastarkhan and hosting guests
A family celebration on your own terms.
The guests you invite.
Your event — your script
For such an event Kazakhs have no fixed rite — you set the format yourself. But here too you can rely on what has taken shape in Kazakh culture as the common basis of any celebration: hospitality, a shared table, the word of an elder, tea, a kind wish. Below is what works at any celebration, be it an organisation’s anniversary, a meeting of friends or a family holiday that has no name.
The guest is a gift: kudaiy konak
By Kazakh tradition the guest brings “kut” — well-being — into the house. The “kudaiy konak” is a guest “sent by God”, an unexpected traveller: he is received with particular attention; a summoned (“arnaiy”) and a chance (“kydyrma”) guest are also distinguished. Any guest, regardless of the purpose of the visit, is offered tea. The proverb: “Konak kelse — kut keler”. A host whose guest left hungry is disgraced, and this rule holds at any celebration: no one should leave without a treat.
The dastarkhan and tea
The dastarkhan is the tablecloth and table as a whole, a symbol of abundance: “Dastarkhanyng keng bolsyn, pigylyng ogan ten bolsyn”. Bread is sacred: it must not be turned over, trampled, thrown away (“Nan — kan, kan — zhan”). Tea is poured into the bowl half full, not to the brim: this is how the host shows he wants to pour hot tea again; a full bowl is a hint that the guest will not be topped up. The spout of the teapot is brought close to the rim so the crockery does not clink.
The tor and order at the table
The most honoured place is the tor, opposite the entrance: there the most respected guest or an elder is seated. As age and standing decrease the others sit nearer the door, and the hosts nearer the exit. In Kazakh tradition meat is served “by rank”: the head, hip and the best parts to the most honoured; kuyryk-bauyr to the matchmakers; the brisket to the son-in-law (more in the “Toi” guide). Even at a non-traditional celebration it is useful to remember the main rule: first the elder, then the rest; and not to start eating before him.
The bata — the word that closes the table
A bata is a blessing spoken by a respected elder (aksakal, “batagoi”) and concluded by everyone with the word “Amin!”, drawing the palms over the face. The palms are meanwhile open upward at chest level. A bata is given at a birth, a wedding, before a journey, at the beginning and end of a meal, at holidays. It is not the same as a “tilek” — a short wish of a line or two that anyone can say: a bata is longer, more figurative and spoken on behalf of all who have gathered. The words of a bata are not “memorised”: they are chosen for the occasion.
For example: at the table — “As kairyly bolsyn! Dastarkhanyng berekeli, yrysyng mol bolsyn. Amin!”; for a journey — “Zholyng ak bolsyn, zholdasyng zhaksy bolsyn, aman baryp, esen kel. Amin!”. These are typical formulas in meaning, not canonical texts.
Shashu and yrym
Shashu is showering with treats and small gifts as a sign of joy: a birth, a wedding, the coming of a daughter-in-law, a traveller’s return, setting up a yurt, buying a house or car, meeting honoured guests. The contents: kurt, irimshik, dried fruit, baursaks, sweets, coins. Earlier it was white food, later sweets were added. It is more often thrown by women and gathered by the young and children: what is scattered is not left on the ground so that the joy passes to them too. Yrym is an omen and the rite tied to it, based on the belief that an action influences the future; its opposite is tyiym, a prohibition. Simple yryms (opening the door to a guest, not leaving the house empty-handed) will adorn any celebration, and their meaning is simply a kind intention.
Greeting: salem — the mother of words
A Kazakh proverb says: “Salem — sozdin anasy” — “greeting is the mother of words”. The younger person greets first; a rider used to dismount; the elder answers with a good wish — “Kosegen kogersin, zhuz zhasa, baktyly bol”. From how a child greeted, his upbringing and clan were judged. A polite greeting and inquiries about health and affairs are part of any Kazakh celebration, and one should not hurry to business there: first, the person.
Interesting facts
It is held that meat for a guest is not food but a “message”. Each part is a message about a person’s standing and a wish, so what is served is not “what is left” but “what is due”.
“Besbarmak” in Russian is “five fingers”; Kazakhs themselves call the dish simply “et” (“meat”) or “et asu”. The dough in it, by some accounts, appeared around the 19th century: earlier it was simply boiled meat with broth.
The word “sybaga” means both “a share of meat” and “a share, a lot” in general: “sybagasyn alu” — to receive one’s due. A share is set aside even for an absent relative — so no one “drops out” at the common table.
Glossary
- Қонақ
- A guest; by tradition brings “kut” — well-being — into the house.
- Құдайы қонақ
- A guest “sent by God”, an unexpected traveller.
- Дастархан
- The tablecloth and table as a whole; a symbol of abundance.
- Төр
- The place of honour opposite the entrance.
- Сыбаға
- The share due to a person; an honoured part of the meat.
- Бата
- An elder’s blessing; concluded with “Amin”.
- Батагөй
- A sage who gives the bata.
- Тілек
- A short wish of a line or two.
- Шашу
- Showering with treats and small gifts as a sign of joy.
- Ырым
- An omen and the rite tied to it.
- Тыйым
- A prohibition, a taboo.
- Сәлем
- A greeting; “the mother of words”.
Customs vary from family to family — this is a general description.
Plan your celebration in the Toi app
Guests, tasks, budget and kade — and this guide for every rite, right in the app.